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29 August, 2007I’ll never learn…
No matter how many times I get advice about running, no matter how many times I do idiotic things that hurt myself, I just never seem to learn!
When I decided to restart Couch to 5K to “brush up” on my running, everyone said to not set speed goals, just do the program and then gradually add miles. I ignored them and was determined to run sub-12 minute miles. I don’t know why I’m so concerned with speed or what I “should” be able to do, or what others are able to do. As a fat runner, I’m an anomaly anyway, it’s not like there’s anyone to compare myself to.
After running hard in the running intervals, doing some of them way too fast, and after a weight lifting class where I had already upped my lower body weight, and then decided to go particularly low on the lunges, I have made my left knee very angry at me indeed. It hurts to go up even one flight of stairs. I knew I should not have pushed it so much, but I never listen to myself. Know what happened the last time I was trying to push myself to reach some arbitrary goal? I injured myself while flailing around in the dark, trying to run toward some stupid speed or distance goal, then decided to stop running. Ha.
So here I am back at square one, trying to figure out where I am. I took it easy for several days and didn’t hit the gym or run, just walked with Jimmy and Kyla, and now my knee is feeling better.
I did Week 4 day 1 of Couch to 5K this morning and was determined to not look at my pace on my Garmin. I need to focus on what I love about running – the feeling of my body in motion, the way my lungs feel filling with air, the way my heart beats strong, the joy of being by myself doing something for my body, the accomplishment I feel afterward and the energy it gives me for the rest of the day. Speed might come later, distance might come later, or it might not. I’m not setting any more goals like “I’m going to run X half-marathon on X-date at X-pace.” I’m just going to follow this training program at a speed I can handle, run my next 5K and see what I feel like doing after that.
If it’s training for a 10K, cool. If I start the 10K training program and I don’t like it, I give myself permission to back off and just go back to running 30-40 minutes at a time a few times a week. I’m trying to learn that instead of saying, “I’m going to complete X,” when it comes to fitness, I need to say, “I’m going to try out X.” I’m still new to this, and still getting to know my body.
Finding the right fit isn’t the same as failure.
Comments
Definately don't look at it as though you have failed! Everyone needs to figure out what to do with THEIR OWN BODY!!!
I actually tried the couch to 5k thing, I totally wanted to do it, and discovered a tiny glitch- I really, truly CAN'T do that. If I am gonna run, I need to start off even SLOWER than that. I have some killer asthma, and need to cut myself a break in that respect. Right now running 30 seconds is about all I can do. So I will have to go slower than even a couch potato. Which feels like it sucks, because I am not a couch potato. I am a limp lungs.
You give me inspiration, so cut yourself some slack. I like that you go, when so many people just give up. Its an admirable quality.
I hope you have a nice Labor day (its labor day, right? Now that I don't live over there anymore, I get labor day and memorial day confused)
Hi. I read your blogs and enjoy both of them a lot! Plus, Kyla is adorable.
I have a book suggestion for you: Slow Fat Triathlete by Jayne Williams. I have only skimmed it, and I don't know if it's "fat positive" per se (or if you really care if it's fat positive or not), but it looks funny and inspiring nonetheless. I like that it shows you don't need to be an elite athlete to push yourself and kick ass doing it! :) It's available on Amazon.
