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14 September, 2006
Project Runway—Episode 10

Episode Ten—Black and White: We start at Atlas with the designers musing over the last challenge. Laura says her review from the judges was scathing, and she’s just grateful to be two eliminations away from Bryant Park.

Heidi comes out on the runway wearing some big scarf. As I’ve said before, I blame Macy’s for her unfortunate wardrobe this season. She teases everyone with the next challenge, and then snatches it away. Oh! Too bad! You’re going to a L’Oreal Paris party instead, where we’ll meet some “special guests.” Jeffrey says it’s not so much a party as it is a trap, but I think he’s just trying to sound tough, cause he’s wearing a new tshirt for the occasion and everything! Did that ugly, gross striped monstrosity he wears EVERY DAY finally bite the dust? One can only hope.

They go to a club called the Pink Elephant, and… wait for it… it’s another Project Runway toast! I’m beginning to think all fashion designers are alcoholics or something.

They take guesses at who the special guests-s-s could be: a celebrity, a rock band, etc. Kayne rilly rilly hopes it’s Destiny’s Child and I’m like, “Destiny’s Child, Tara Reid? Honey you are soooo stuck in 2002, Kayne. Welcome to the future. It’s much better here.” Heidi brings in the first special guest and it’s—Vincent? Whaaa? Michael interviews, “Vincent! What the heeeellll is going on?” Indeed, Michael. Indeed. The second special guest is—Angela. At this moment Chris and I looked at each other and just groaned. Come on Project Runway, this is not making us happy. It’s not even making us amused.

Heidi finally tells us what she meant by “benefits to winning challenges,” the winning designers all get to come back and have a second chance at making it to the final four. When I think on it, this means Keith would have come back as well if he hadn’t been a big cheater. Bummer, Keith.

Kayne gulps the crap out of his champagne (“What a lush!” —Chris) and says they’re like cockroaches; you stomp em, and they just keep coming back. Vincent or Angela must win the challenge to stay, and otherwise they go home. Oh yeah, and this is still elimination for the final four, so THREE designers will go home this round.

For this challenge they must make a cocktail party outfit using only black and white. All the designers are way uneasy. Even Jeffrey is all, well the good news is… … … uh…

Back at Atlas Laura says what everyone is thinking, that Angela’s win was not entirely hers since it was a team challenge. Angela is all, “Reaaaaally? I disagree!” They show clips of Angela about to shower the design in rosettes and her team seriously editing the design. Angela says it’s more about the design than the construction. Well, whatever gets you through the night Angela.

In the workroom, Tim Gunn explains the challenge further: this is to make sure that the right people go to fashion week. Since everyone is using black and white, this will be about the design and silhouette of the piece as well as the makeup and styling. They have 15 minutes to sketch, $100 for the challenge and one day to work. Oh, and the fabric you buy at MOOD? You have to use ALL of it. Every scrap.

Jeffrey is all, “WTF?!” And I’m right there with him. I’m over these little arbitrary difficulties. It’s so design school of them.

At MOOD everyone’s freaking out over fabric. Uli’s picking prints (SURPRISE) to make a hippie beach party dress (DOUBLE SURPRISE). Angela wants to make a leather shrug with a big Eduardian collar which sounds cool but we are dealing with Angela, I remind myself. Jeffrey wants a sexy minidress. They go back to Parsons.

In the workroom, Vincent is cussing out the fabric cutting man at MOOD because he gave him an extra half yard which he’s gonna have to stick somewhere now (I have a suggestion as to where to stick it!). Jeffrey is talking about Angela and how bad he didn’t want her to be there (SURPRISE). Vincent and Laura have a little spat. Vincent interviews that the “mood is sticky in the workroom.”

Meanwhile, Michael and Kayne are whispering to each other, and Michael looks pretty concerned. He’s like, “Kayne you have a black miniskirt and now you wanna use patent leather boots? It’s gonna start looking like something else.” And by something else he means a “working girl” as he interviews. He also expresses concern over the belt and oh my gosh. It’s hideous. I want to say “eeeedious” like Petrovsky’s daughter did in the last episode of Sex & the City. It’s that bad. Basically it’s black and white leather with the crotch staples from Jeffrey’s jet setting pants.

Tim brings in the models for a preliminary fitting. They all do their thing. Laura’s model is trying to help her make the outfit into something more youthful. I say listen to her, Laura. We’re pretty tired of black lace from you, but to be fair, it was a black challenge, so just make this work.

Tim brings in Collier Strong, the L’Oreal makeup guy who’s always telling us to try out drugstore foundation on our jaw in those stupid commercials, to consult on the makeup. Since this will be the only part of the look with color, he wants to make them all look like drag queens. Only kidding — he wants to do a bunch of smoky eyes and make Angela’s model look like Queen Amidala. Eesh. Also the L’Oreal face charts are ugly since I’m used to looking at MAC. Everyone looks a little exasperated with makeup man.

Tim comes around to check on things and Uli has made a big fabric sausage of a necklace. Oh man. It’s gross.

Vincent has too much fabric. Jeffrey is making tights out of a trashbag, apparently. Tim thinks they might dress it down too much. He asks Kayne, “Where’s the white?” Kayne’s all, “Does this count?” And holds up a white patent leather spike collar from Hot Topic. Tim literally goes, “OH JESUS.” Enough said.

Laura admits to having a broken spirit after the last challenge, and in a big fit of pregnancy hormones, breaks down right in front of Tim. And in front of the interview camera. Although I want her mascara, cause her makeup remains perfect. She wanted to make a big career change, but now she’s just too tired and just trying to get through tomorrow without flinging herself off the balcony at Atlas. Someone needs to get this lady a candy bar or a cheeseburger or something with calories in it immediately. She watches a video cell phone message from her husband, and apparently he’s retarded because it’s recorded upside down.

It’s the next day and Tim says they’ll have two hours for styling the models. He tells Vincent that Gia has been in an accident and won’t be modeling for him, Javi (Jeffrey’s model at the beginning of PR) will be instead. Vincent says he didn’t leave any seam allowances, so if Javi’s fat, he’s screwed. My question: WHY NOT? You had lots of extra fabric. You were COMPLAINING about extra fabric. You might as well have, that’s all I’m sayin.

Javi comes in and she is too fat. She busted a zipper. Oh man I hate it when that happens. I also hate it when my fashion designer tries to sew me into a dress while I’m getting my hair done. So distracting.

Off to the runway and Heidi reminds us that three people are going home. Judges are Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and Zac Posen. Okay seriously I have the biggest crush on ZP. Design for me Zac! Take me away!

On to the show! Angela’s first and here comes a big black Pringle chip filled with whipped cream! Down below we have a backless nightgown and a very pissed off model. PS that bag is ugly.

From the front, Kayne’s looks tasteful and sophisticated, and from the back it looks like the bottom of one of those mini-trampolines. With the bungee cords holding in the middle stretchy part? Y’all know what I’m talking about. Wait, where’s the white in this design? Oh, there it is, a shoelace. My bad.

Laura thinks hers is very 1920s Josephine Baker. I like it except the little worms hanging off the hem.

Michael’s is gorgeous (is anyone surprised?) and he says he did a white dress cause black people look good in white. Haha. Seriously though, how hot is Nazri 24/7?

Well, it’s good to know that SOMEONE has the Flamenco Hooker market cornered. I’m looking at you, Jeffrey. This reminds me of something they sell in that really cheaply made, slutty looking, “urban” clothing store in the mall. Ours is called Foxmoor. What’s yours called?

Uli sends out Stevie Nicks’ nightgown with the fabric sausage. I hate it. That’s all.

Vincent’s is a bandeau top and a miniskirt, and some big long wrap that you can tell is just all his extra fabric. Dang, that skirt is short. I think you could actually switch it with the top and she might be more covered down below.

The judges call up the designers and it’s time for a little chat! Michael’s first. ZP thinks it’s chic, simple and flattering. NG says he’s got the total look down, it always helps his designs. MK asks where the fabric scraps are and Michael shows him the lined purse. MK says it’s impeccable.

Vincent used cottons. NG is all, I don’t like this. Everyone agrees the length is cheap. MK calls the cape “problematic.” ZP is all, if you’d used the cape fabric on the skirt, she wouldn’t look like a hooker. And proceeds to make Vincent cover up the model. The skirt looks so much better when it’s longer. Proportion, Vincent! (Bravo, why did you waste our time here?)

Uli admits that she made a fun Miami party dress out of prints, and MK is all smirks. They examine the necklace and MK says it looks like pool floats. The sleeves are too long. No one likes it that much.

Angela says she went for a mix of modern and Eduardian, and since she always uses muslin to line handbags when “merchandising,” that’s where her extra fabric is. ZP calls it costumey and cheap. NG calls her out on the fabric stuffing and when she opens the handbag, it almost leaps out onto the floor. It’s pretty hilarious since it’s already a structured bag.

Jeffrey says his cocktail party outfit is inspired by the last couple cocktail parties he himself has attended (bachelor parties pre-strip maybe? That outfit. I’m just saying.) MK says there’s a way to do young and edgy that’s not cheap looking (man, everyone’s cheap today). Jeffrey says he WANTED to dress it down. ZP said it’s not elegant and NG is tired of the rock n roll lifestyle.

Laura is totally exhausted and shows them the matching handbag she made with the extra fabric. MK says it’s chic, perfectly made and youthful. ZP says any store would pick it up and sell it immediately and NG bestowed her highest compliment on it: adorable. Laura looks relieved.

Kayne says he tried to edit himself yet still be versatile. ZP says the front is so elegant, but the back—it’s like Jekyll and Hyde. NG said he did move away from his norm, but where’s the white, seriously?

Everyone leaves and the judges discuss. Angela’s vinyl vampire ruffle isn’t a fave. Michael knows head-to-toe presentation. Vincent is clueless about proportion. Jeffrey is loud and needs to stop ripping off Gwen Stefani already (honestly, I really don’t think she’d wear that. Cher, maybe. But not Gwen.). They’re bored with another Uli dress and MK mocks her accent and talks about “hot veather” and it’s pretty funny. Kayne listened to them but still didn’t get it. MK is just grateful it wasn’t an Elvis impersonator on the stage. Laura stayed true to herself but moved forward.

They come back and first it’s the winner—Laura! Angela is out, and as she walks backstage, I just really want to nominate her for What Not To Wear. It would seriously change her life. Vincent is out and reminds us that he makes beautiful music, does it so damn well and has a gift. (Legend in his own mind, indeed.) Michael is in. Uli is in. And already I’m crying for Kayne.

Yeah, Kayne’s out. And Jeffrey is in. Jeffrey comes backstage, middle fingers blazing and Uli’s all, “Of course you’re here, rockstar!” And hugs him. Kayne comes backstage and remains fierce and fabulous the whole time. NEVER let them see you cry, Kayne. I’m so proud of you, baby.

He is ebullient as he does his exit interview, and wants everyone to know, “I’m not a bitch, I just play one on TV.” Kayne, I know you’re gonna be slammed busy these next few months, but if you have a spare second, call me?

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