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31 August, 2006
Project Runway—Episode 8

Project Runway Episode 8—High Flying Fashion: Also known as I Bet Those Models Are Getting Really Bored.

We start out at Atlas with a half-naked Kayne stretching for the camera and telling everyone how much he misses making fun of Laura now that Robert’s gone. Uli tells Laura she can tell she’s pregnant now, and not just faking it to get attention, to which Laura replies, “That’s not the kind of attention I want, to be honest.” I can just imagine Laura smacking someone with her Hermes bag when they try to touch her pregnant belly.

Down the hallway we hear a familiar sound, Jeffrey whining about Angela. This time he’s mad because she was smoking a cigarette when he was trying to go to sleep. Cause smoking is SO LOUD and get over it alleged rockstar/ex heroin addict. Good lord. He interviews that the last challenge was a “frickin nightmare” and that Angela tried to get him eliminated. What? I thought it was that hideous beast of a dress that tried to get you eliminated, you paranoid weirdo. Angela interviews that Jeff was a complete ass to her mom and I’m still flabbergasted that “ass” is the worst insult she can come up with for someone who treated her mom like complete dirt. You think someone who wears combat boots every week could muster up a little more vitriol, but whatever.

We head to the runway and Heidi brings out the models. Since they didn’t use the models last time, once again there are too many, so the stupid button bag comes out and two girls will arbitrarily be sent packing again. I hate this, it’s really unfair (and in retrospect, this will happen AGAIN next week. If I were a model, I’d boycott this stupid show.) and in the end, everyone sticks with their previous model. Kayne is the last to choose and he sticks with Amanda cause she “sayls it on the runway.” She comes backstage and does a little victory dance and it’s so awkward because no one is celebrating with her.

Uli’s model interviews that “she’s been consumed with the competition and she feels like she (quote marks in the air with hands) DESERVES a lot of things. Ooh, more model bitching and less Jeffrey screentime. I bet these girls are totally grating one another’s nerves, especially because they’re sitting around for ANOTHER week with nothing to do. Oh BTW, Danielle and Alexandra are out.

Heidi says they’ll be designing an outfit for a hip, international jet-setter. Jeffrey says he hopes it’s himself, the embodiment of hip jet-setting and Kayne thinks it’s TARA REID? Oh Kayne honey, showing your (badly done) boobs all the time does not a jet-setter make. You really are from white trash, aren’t you?

Back in the workroom, Tim Gunn tells them they will be designing for themselves and modeling their own look, so the models won’t be back til the next challenge. They have $75 (Project Runway, how cheap are you this season?!) and one day to complete the look. 15 minutes to sketch! The designers muse about what they think jet-setters are or need (tons of money, Paris Hilton, rock stars, non-wrinkling fabric that travels well). Jeffrey says he’s making a jacket, tight pants and a t-shirt. I just don’t remember last season being so ambitious. They acted like it was torture if they had to make a freaking sleeve, and this season everyone is making capes and coats every episode. Hmm. Jeffrey’s sketch shows his next tattoo plan, Huge Dot & X Out The Face. I’m down with that.

At Mood, Kayne is picking out the gayest print ever, it looks like a big butterfly wing, and while he’s draping it over some guy at Mood, the dude looks mad uncomfortable with it. Tim Gunn makes a face at the fabric. Jeffrey says it’s “LIberace goes to Vegas” and I can’t really disagree with ol’ NeckTat’s evaluation of this one. Michael wants to do “the Hamptons meets the Hood” which I’m excited to see.

Back in the workroom, Laura says there’s an “Uli explosion” and there are seriously like 12 different loud prints laying on the table. Uli wants to make party dresses that will still look good if she wants to “get vasted” haha I love her accent. Angela talks about her cousin the hillbilly jet-setter and I get really worried for her future on this show. Meanwhile, Vincent is prancing around in his underwear.

He says if it was up to him, he’d just show up to work in boxers every day, and who’s to say this won’t become a regular thing? Vincent, we already have to see your exposed chest hair every week with those button down shirts you don’t button. Please. Spare us. He at least has a reason for not wearing pants—he’s tracing them to make a pattern. Oh, and the giggling is back.

Meanwhile Jeffrey is tormenting Angela, talking about how he designed the ugliest dress for the most difficult person last week and blah blah blah quack quack quack. Angela is all, “enough already, if you want to talk to me, look at me!” Jeffrey goes, “I get so f*cking frightened when I look at you.” Dude. Are you not THIRTY-SIX YEARS OLD? Seriously I know twelve-year-olds more mature than this. You’re on national television, have some decorum. Angela and Jeff spit back and forth for a while and Jeffrey is really an asshole, “Don’t give me those weird, sad eyes.” He is so degrading. Laura interviews that she’s glad she isn’t involved because there’s no time to be dicking around on a one-day challenge. Jeffrey is all, “The madder she gets, the better I feel! She’s feeling the pressure!” Angela, you are way too passive. Go kick his skinny ass with those big stompin’ boots of yours! This dude is clearly a poser—you don’t see him picking on Michael or Kayne or anyone that would actually stand up to him. I just hate this guy.

Tim Gunn comes around and visits everyone. Jeffrey is making a rock-n-roll blazer with some kind of purple fabric. Tim says it’s not boring. Laura appears to be making The Infinity Dress which proves I’m soooo ahead of the curve and on-trend and all those other dumb sayings. Ha. Kayne’s putting that awful print on the shirt and it looks like a big butterfly wing. Tim tells him it’s looking pretty Elvis and Kayne’s down with that. Michael is making something with seersucker and talks about a motorcycle jacket (out of seersucker? but I trust him so go on with your bad self). Angela is working on the pants and Tim tells her it’s a little Holly Hobby. Angela says, oh that’s okay I like Holly Hobby. Sheesh. Holly Hobby, not the first thing that comes to mind when someone says hip, international jet-setter. Laura says she stuck a rosette anywhere she could think of and sure enough, there are FLOWERS made from them ON THE BUTT. Yeah that’ll be comfortable sitting in an airplane seat.

She also did some kind of hideous topstitching detail on the crotch. Oh Angela. Stop hurting that fabric. Jeffrey tells Uli hers is so simple and she’s all, “shut up punk, if you tried to do color like this you’d make a clown costume.” Jeffrey finishes early and of course informs everyone that he’s a big contender for the win. Just like every week.

Back at Atlas Michael is giving Kayne modeling lessons and I must say this is definitely one of my favorite scenes on any season of Project Runway. He is so cool. I just want to be around him and absorb some coolness. The next day Angela leaves Atlas in bubble skirt #24. In the workroom Kayne is hot gluing something on the shirt. Eesh. They get an hour for hair and makeup. It takes roughly seventeen people to blow out Angela’s mass of hair. Jeffrey calls Kayne’s outfit a “bungle” and Laura says it’s just tacky, not high fashion.

On to the runway! Vincent shows up in black pants, a grey v-neck sweater and flip flops. The neckline doesn’t even appear to be bound. Way to have a point of view, Vincent. I totally want to invite you to my hip, jet-setting party.

Next Jeffrey comes down the runway, but not before giving us a big Sig Heil! from behind the screen!

He comes out in a tight, shiny blazer that looks like it cost way more than $75, but the rest of the outfit is just bad Hot Topic sales rack. A black t-shirt with a rhinestone skull & crossbones (was there a BEDAZZLER in the workroom?). They wouldn’t even try to sell that to the misguided fat chicks at Torrid. Rock stars would not wear this. Also the pants—nice crotch staples. Ugh, no attention needs to be drawn to that area.

Angela is looking haggard. The first thing I noticed though, was that she has really great legs. She should quit hiding them under ugly bubble skirts and combat boots. She looked really uncomfortable, the pants were wrinkled (I can barely sew but even I know that linen wrinkles horribly, bad choice) and the shirt is showing her bra AND makes her look pregnant from the side. Ouch.

Laura looks stunning although the fabric is a little too close to her skintone for my liking. Michael, you are so hot. He did this really cool take on a white button down and the seersucker cargo pants, oh my gosh, so cool. He also can definitely walk that runway. Take me to your hood, Michael. Seriously.

Next up was Elvis & Elton John’s lovechild. I wish yall could see the back of this shirt. It is a big butterly wing. Also the pants - BELLBOTTOMS. Also the rhinestone belt spelling his own name and A WALLET CHAIN. Oh Kayne. You’re hurting Amber. Uli looked a little stiff on the runway and everyone’s gonna say oh wow another sleeveless dress with no booby support but you know what, I love Uli’s design aesthetic. It’s earthy without being hippy-dippy, and this girl knows color like no other. I loved the dress.

Heidi introduces the judges, Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and Francisco Costa from Calvin Klein. They ask each designer where they’re going with their look. Uli’s taking the dress to parties and can do it with flip flops or high heels. FC tells her it’s over the top, and he’s wiping his eye, it looks like he just woke up from a nap or something. MK and Nina both like it but they’ve seen it before and they wanna see something else.

Angela says she made hers with “fun Angela details” and MK busts out the Bitchy Face. Now I can express displeasure through facial expressions like nobody’s business, but MK is totally my idol. He has some mean faces, that is for sure. He says it’s the worst fabric possible. FC is again wiping his eye! Wake up bro, you’re on TV! And says that linen doesn’t travel well. MK says she’s a mess just standing and that if she wore this traveling she’d look all homeless.

Laura says she’ll be traveling for parties worldwide in this dress but FC says the knot in the back looks uncomfortable. MK says for her that she could totally put the knot in the front and then everyone likes the dress.

When Heidi asks Jeffrey where he’s going he’s all, “Is it NOT APPARENT? Of course I am a real life rockstar who will be first on the jet and then the jet will have to wait while people calm down just from being in my presence, etc. etc.” And Laura is all, listen to this bullshitter, I would SO get you kicked out of first class.

He talks about how he used to be a touring musician and he’d be wearing this on his world tour. Jeff, I checked out your band. First of all you were the bass player (with apologies to bass players—dispensable), second of all, your band sounded like a boring ass Silverchair/Pixies ripoff. I almost fell asleep sampling these tracks. Your big hit was about how hard it was not living at home with your parents. Go cry me a river, rockstar. Anyway FC says it’s great, Heidi says it looks expensive, NG thinks it’s current and happening now. I am thinking the crotch staples probably aren’t comfortable for traveling, but whatevs.

Vincent says he went for comfort with cotton and jersey. Heidi calls it safe. FC says it’s an intelligent solution to the lifestyle (I so don’t see this outfit at any party). NG says it’s not impeccable and MK tells him it looks like the pajamas they give you in first class, that there’s no attitude or twist. Vincent is all, I AM THE TWIST. Oh lord.

Michael’s going to the Hamptons for P. Diddy’s party and he thinks white is fresh and clean clean. FC says it’s smart, he loves the shirt. Michael says the pants are so cool and seersucker was a great fabric choice for someone who is traveling.

Kayne gives a speech about how he’s running from the paparrazzi in his outfit. NG straight up makes fun of him being an Elvis impersonator suspended in time. MK says it’s well made, but a well-made costume. Heidi tells us that there will be a winner/auf but not tonight. They’ve got plane tickets waiting at Atlas and have an hour to pack and travel in their outfits.

They get to the airport and the kiosk says they’ll be going to Paris. Kayne’s never been out of the country. Laura’s totally bored with Paris for the 20th time, but stoked about flying first class. They get on the plane and Tim is there to do another big fake Project Runway champagne toast. I’m sick of these. OH LOOK WE ARE TOAST-ING.

They arrive. Everyone’s stoked. They get to Parsons Paris. Everyone loves the workroom but Angela is all, “Windows! Light! I feel like I’m in a garden!” Vincent rolls his eyes for like five minutes and I don’t blame him. Uli wonders why there’s only six work tables and Jeffrey tells them because someone’s not gonna be working here. The suspenseful music starts and Tim Gunn comes in with Catherine Malandrino who I assume is a big French designer cause I’ve never heard of her. Jeffrey totally has a crush on this lady. Tim says in a few minutes, someone will be out. Well that’s mean. They just got there, can you calm down for a second?

Tim says they will combine the runway scores with Catherine’s score and that will determine who’s in/out. They have to walk back and forth in the workroom and model their freshly-traveled outfit.

Angela goes. She’s wrinkled but doesn’t care cause “she’s not a pressed gal.” Everyone else’s outfit traveled fine.

Tim is now filling in for Heidi and I wish he was on the runway every time. Laura’s in. Vincent is in. The winner was “a tough decision between a hip hop star and a rockstar” but Jeffrey wins. He also predictably interviews that he feels validated and he should have won a bunch of other challenges. He also is all, “God is alive and well and working in my life” and I’m like hold up a minute Brother Jeffrey when he finishes with “he’s not all drunk like last week.” Ugh, this guy.

Michael is in. Uli’s in. The french lady gets all mean with Kayne and Angela, who both look really constipated.

She tells Kayne he looked ridiculous, like a FAKE pop star (yeah not like a real one with a bedazzled t-shirt). Angela is just coming from another planet and IS NOT A JET SETTER. Angela is out. Kayne’s in.

Jeffrey immediately interviews that he’s ecstatic Angela is gone. She’s not a clothing designer, she’s a macaroni-gluer (as opposed to rhinestone gluer). Michael is sad to see her go. Kayne gives her a bye, darlin.

Angela interviews that she learned you have to know who you are and not let others’ opinions rattle you. Including mine about showing off your legs, cause kids THE BOOTS ARE BACK.

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